Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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