Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
