i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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