i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
