dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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