I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
