Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
