hotel room ftw
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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