I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
