Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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