mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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