Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
