Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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