Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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