I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
