Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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