listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
