Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
