i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Success! We fucked roommates!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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