Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
