when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
