The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
