I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
