My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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