As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
