The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
