I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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