Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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