There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
