dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
