Farmville is her only friend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am one with the molecules
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
