wanna go halves on a baby?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.