That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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