take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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