Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
