i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
