me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize