goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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