She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
