i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
