My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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