just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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