Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
