Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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