it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
