Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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