The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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