I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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