Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I supernannyed him into submission
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
