I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
