goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
