I want to walk on stilts...naked
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
