when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
