All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
