I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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