Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
