It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Semen is not good for contacts.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
