Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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