I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
