before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
