I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
