You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
