dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
