After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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