I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
