Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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