Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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