I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
