I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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