New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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