why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Houston, we have a squirter
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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