I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize