fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
