how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
