I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
